ham fisted theatrics

I'm an asshole.

Also, this is 90% of my online interactions.

Also, it’s true.

Immutable law of science: If you say “Not to be that guy” and proceed to be that guy, you’re still that guy.

If you are in a mob movie and someone says “Let me ask you something” to you, enjoy your last few moments with an un-punched face.

I just had the quickest most pleasant experience at the DMV.

It was like a million 1980’s stand-up comedians cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced.

I’m just gonna give this my entire life, and if it doesn’t work out by the time I’m dead, I’ll do something else.

“People don’t say each other’s first names when they’re talking to them in real life the way they do in movies, Denise!”

"This guy knows what I'm talking about," I said, pointing to myself.

The thing about having a sense of humor is, you have to have a sense of humor about it.