I came up with several puns today at the Pittsburgh Zoo.
A gorilla wanted a place to live so he bought some gorill estate.
An elephant called me on his elullar elephone and said "Ello?"
A bear powered by the sun is a solar bear.
A bear who only has back teeth is a molar bear.
A bear who may or may not have seen the second shooter in the Kennedy assasination is a grassy knoll-ar bear.
The more time I spend doing comedy the more I think the shittiest, lowest forms of comedy, like fart noises and nonsense words, are the most hilarious. I think the apex of my career will be writing one of those "1,001 Riddles, Puns, and Cut-Ups" books you used to get in Scholastic book orders. It will have poorly drawn monsters in various stages of hysterics on the cover. They are meant to indicate how funny the laugh-em-ups contained within are. (Answer: monster-amusingly delightful).
Dude I cannot wait to be back in the city tomorrow.
Oh man I ain't written here in a minute.
Unfortunately it is a situation that will doubtfully be remidied any time soon, as I am in Phoenix with the fam, and in a delightful mirror of my situation back in NY, all the appliances are broken. This includes the computer, which freezes every thirty seconds. If you're reading this, that means it isn't freezing, which is a goddamn Christmas miracle.
Now I am going to go shower then go see my littlest brother in a middle school production of "Phantom Of The Opera."
In case I don't get back here in time to tell you, Merry Christmas.