September 03, 2010

This month I'm doing a series of stories inspired by the lyrics from a more-or-less arbitrarily selected song ("Growin' Up" by Bruce Springsteen) one line at a time.

Today's lyric is I was open to pain and crossed by the rain and I walked on a crooked crutch

Today's story is called WELCOME TO THE REFUGE FOR DEPOSED HALF-INSANE MONARCHS




WELCOME TO THE REFUGE FOR DEPOSED HALF-INSANE MONARCHS WANDERING THE HEATH, LASHED BY STORMS INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL, PINING FOR THEIR LOST KINGDOMS AND SHATTERED DIGNITY

THIS SHELTER IS FUNDED IN PART BY FRIENDS OF DEPOSED HALF-INSANE MONARCHS, THE ONES WHO HAVE NOT BETRAYED YOU SECRETLY THROUGHOUT YOUR LONG REIGN AND WHOSE SMILES MIGHT AS WELL HAVE SHOWN THEIR MOUTHS TO HOUSE SERPENT-TEETH

IF YOU HAVE A FEW DUCATS REMAINING, CONSIDER PLACING THEM IN THE DROP-BOX TO YOUR LEFT TO ASSIST US WITH MAINTENANCE OF THIS DEPOSED MONARCH REFUGE, OR CONSIDER FLINGING THEM OUT INTO THE STORM-SWEPT NIGHT, SHOUTING, “PAH! WORTHLESS CORRUPTER! BE GONE FROM ME!”


TO YOUR LEFT, PLEASE FIND AN ARRAY OF FLAXEN-HAIRED DOLLS AND VARIOUS HEAD-SHAPED ITEMS. FEEL FREE TO USE THESE TO STOKE FEVER-DREAMS OR WAKING NIGHTMARES IN WHICH THEY MAY SERVE AS STAND-INS FOR THE DAUGHTERS YOU LEFT YOUR KINGDOM TO IN EQUAL PARTS WHILE YOU WERE STILL LIVING, WHOSE RESULTING SINS OF AMBITION AND INGRATITUDE DROVE YOU TO THIS LOWLY STATE. YOU WILL FIND THE DOLLS ARE QUITE CONVINCING AS YOUNGER, INNOCENT DAUGHTERS YOU ARE STILL FOND OF AND THEIR HAIR IS PLEASING TO STROKE AS YOU WEEP BITTER TEARS. TO STAND IN FOR THE SKULLS OF YOUR MORE VIPEROUS DAUGHTERS WHICH YOU SECRETLY, IN YOUR SAVAGE HEART OF HEARTS, LONG TO SMASH, ROTTEN MELONS ARE PROVIDED. WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO BECOME ENTIRELY CONFUSED AS TO WHAT IS REAL AND WHAT IS MOCKERY, DUMBSHOW, AND SHADOWPLAY! YOU ARE OUR GUEST, AFTER ALL.


FOR YOUR COMFORT WHILE LAMENTING UNLIMITED TREACHERY, THIS REFUGE FEATURES A NUMBER OF WELL-APPOINTED LAMENTING CORNERS. SINCE THE HEATH IS ADJACENT TO SEVERAL KINGDOMS, AND GIVEN THE RECENT POPULARITY OF COCK-EYED KINGDOM-DIVISION SCHEMES, YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF SHARING THE REFUGE WITH ONE OR MORE OTHER DEPOSED HALF-INSANE MONARCHS. PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHER MONARCHS’ LAMENTATIONS, ESPECIALLY SHOULD YOU CHOSE TO HOWL, SOIL YOURSELF TO PROVE YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN A BEAST, OR CRUDELY SELF-CASTRATE SO NO MORE UNGRATEFUL CHILD-DEMONS MAY SPRING FROM YOUR ACCURSED LOINS.

IF YOU HAVE ENCOUNTERED A FOOL ON THE ROAD AND WISH TO HEAR HIM MUSE ON UNIVERSAL TRUTHS WHILE YOU NOTE THE SORRY STATE OF THE WORLD THAT SUCH THINGS ONLY BE SPOKE BY FOOLS, PLEASE ADJOURN TO THE MUSING LOUNGE. IF HE WISHES TO STAY WHILE YOU MAKE FULL USE OF THE REST OF OUR FACILITIES, WE ASK THAT HE HANG HIS FOOL’S CAP UP QUIETLY, WITH A MINIMUM OF BELL-JANGLING, AS OTHER FOOLS MAY BE RESTING, OR SAYING LONG RHYMING SOLILOQUIES FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE AUDIENCE


NOTE: THE MUSING LOUNGE IS NOT FOR THE STAGING OF SKITS OR PLAYS WHICH APPEAR INNOCENT AND AMUSING BUT ARE ACTUALLY META-THEATRICAL COMMENTARY


IF YOU ARE A HERMIT, HIGHWAYMAN, OR MADPERSON OF NON-ROYAL EXTRACTION, THIS REFUGE IS NOT FOR YOU. YOU MAY, HOWEVER, SEEK SHELTER NINETY PACES NORTH IN THE THICKET OF BRAMBLES THAT IS OFTEN USED AS A TEMPORARY RESIDENCE BY DRUNKEN TINKERS AND THEIR ONE-EYED DOGS

PLEBIANS MAY ALSO SIGN UP FOR OUR IRONIC IDENTITY-EXCHANGE PROGRAM. OFTENTIMES A DEPOSED HALF-INSANE MONARCH WILL FIND IT PRUDENT TO TRADE GUISES WITH A MAN OF LOW STATURE SUCH AS YOURSELF, SO THAT HE MAY SET OUT TO HAVE IRONIC INTERACTIONS WITH FORMER SUBJECTS AND FAMILY MEMBERS IN WHICH THEY DO NOT REALIZE HE IS ACTUALLY AN EX-KING. IF THIS IS APPEALING TO YOU, SIGN UP ON THE WAITING LIST BELOW, OR AS YOU ARE LIKELY NOT LETTERED, SIMPLY MAKE AN X. IF YOUR NAME IS SELECTED, YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED BY CROW

IF YOU HAVE NOTED THE IRONY OF US WRITING A PORTION OF THIS PLAQUE TO THOSE WE PRESUME WILL BE ILLITERATE, YOU MAY WANT TO REPEAT THIS OBSERVATION TO A NEARBY MONARCH, PERHAPS IN THE FORM OF A BAWDY COUPLET. HE MAY TAKE YOU FOR A FOOL, IN WHICH CASE YOU MAY MAKE FULL USE OF THE MUSING LOUNGE


ONCE AGAIN, TO THE MONARCHS: WE KNOW YOU HAVE A CHOICE IN CRAZED HEATH-BORN ACTIVITIES, INCLUDING THE EVER-TEMPTING “BEMOANING THE WRETCHED ESSENTIAL NATURE OF MAN IN HIS BASIC FORM BEFORE FLINGING YOUR NAKED BODY INTO A CREVASSE,” AND WE THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING OUR REFUGE

THESE INSTRUCTIONS ARE REPRINTED BELOW IN BRAILLE IF YOU HAVE ALREADY DASHED OUT YOUR EYES

Posted by DC at September 3, 2010 03:51 PM
Comments

Rhodatrana buy viagra sulky Albium

Posted by: Jopa
Post a comment









Remember personal info?