March 19, 2010

People tell a story of a guy, a townie, whose big joke whenever you saw him was that he was “on his way to class” even though everyone knew he didn’t go to school here, who subsisted one entire academic year just on free giveaway burritos (a lot of burrito places were opening up) and free energy drinks (a lot of street teams in brightly colored shirts were pouring free samples at card tables on the quad) and clothed himself entirely in free t-shirts related mostly to Student Government activities.

He was mean to you if you worked in the front of the burrito place, assembling the burritos, or behind the register. He was abrasive and would hand over one of his seemingly endless supply of free-burrito coupons all crumpled up, and he would never ever tip. He was super-friendly to the guys in the kitchen, though. They were mostly Hispanic and he would learn all their names and shout to them in Spanish.

The head of Student Government hated him. While throttling the handles of an elliptical machine in the Fitness Center, she told her roommate there should be an investigation: someone in Student Government was clearly funneling this guy t-shirts. They were always clean and always in his size.

He had the Team Leader of the Lizard Fuel Energy Drink promotional squad worried, which was kind of a feat considering he had a tattoo all about not being worried. The guy would crunch a now-empty can of Lilac Incineration Lizard Fuel on his forehead and the Team Leader would grab both his shoulders and try to look into his eyes and say, “Seriously, man: are you doing okay?”


He died face down in the street on Parents’ Weekend. His last words were “WOOO!”

Posted by DC at March 19, 2010 05:11 AM
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