October 10, 2009

I know they’re an ecological nightmare, but Styrofoam cups for your fast-food soda are the jam! I would have very much liked to live in the golden age between technological breakthroughs in packaging and our conscience catching up with us. It must have been a guilt-free paradise coursing with the coldest soda on record.


On Friday in Florida we hear a radio commercial that contains the words “to complete your gun…” then proceeds to list lots of gun accessories. I realize it is a pretty knee-jerk Yankee reaction to be pulled up by this, so I will not comment on how crazy I think it is to hear guns advertised on the radio, and instead say that I wish that the instrument of killing that was the subject of intractable controversy in our society was not guns, but instead ridiculous surfboard-size anime swords. I would like there to be an assault-rifle-like ban on swords over a certain absurd size, or that glowed above a certain candle-power. I would like to hear people complain about having to undergo a background check and sit through a three-day waiting period before they could start off on their quest to slay the HyperKraken.


As part of an interview, we get to do all kinds of graffiti on a wall in Gainesville that is specifically purposed for legal graffiti. I am in heaven. I am able to paint “Mystery Team” in more or less the same lettering as the Team’s stand in the movie, and DERRICK in a logo-y style I like, and other unabashedly self-promotional junk, and I am feeling all kinds of slick and Basquiat-ish, until my finger starts to hurt from compressing the spray-can top, which makes my wrist hurt, which makes my arm hurt. I am old or weak or both. I could totally jump into a 1970’s trainyard with the guys from “Style Wars” and we would pass joints and drink beers and we would get exactly one letter into an elaborate three-car depiction of our crew’s name before I would start complaining that “my fingoos huwt.” I would say it exactly like that, too. Like a cartoon baby. I would whine until they took me home. They would not invite me out next Friday night, which sucks, because it would turn out that was the night they invented hip-hop.


The interview continues at a Cuban restaurant nearby. I get some fried plantains, because they're the best food, and if anyone says differently, ask them how they feel about joy. I guarantee you they'll say, "Joy? Not a fan."


Dan and I stay in Gainesville and Dominic and Meggie high-tail it to Tallahassee so there can be two people each at theater where the movie is opening to do intros and Q&As. The staff at the Gainesville Regal is extraordinarily helpful and cool. Besides the movie opening, Dan and I geek out on just getting to roam around a multiplex like we belong there. We realize neither of us has ever worked at a movie theater. And this is the movie theater we would’ve worked at, too. It is SO a suburban multiplex, and not only that, but it is SO a suburban multiplex on a Friday night. Kids are laughin’, swearin’, wackin’ each other on the arm. In the course of the evening, in one of the many theaters, somebody probably gets a perfunctory handjob underneath a sweater. It is thrilling to have your movie play in an actual movie theater. It is even more thrilling to realize that your movie could be the movie during which someone gets their first handjob. Most filmmakers will tell you that that possibility has spurred them on through countless setbacks in this most frustrating of professions.


On TV screens above the concession stand, a loop of trailers and commercials plays. One of the things being advertised is the 15th anniversary of the Warped Tour. Apparently the Warped Tour is now exactly as old as you should be when you go to the Warped Tour.


The stray cats in Florida are out of control. We see no fewer than ten darting about, crossing streets generally conducting themselves like they’re gonna go around a corner and turn into a witch during our time there.

Posted by DC at October 10, 2009 10:33 PM
Comments

Dude, one of the right-wing hate radio shows that I cannot stop listening to begins each segment with an advertisement on how to obtain your concealed-carry permit.
It is based in Pennsylvania.
THEY ARE ARMING.

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