July 13, 2009

Sometimes you hear a car horn that’s short enough in duration to be the first beep in a horn-based car alarm but then it’s just the one beep of someone honking their horn and you are grateful.

We are driving home and I look over and see the front seat of someone’s sedan has three people in it, a girl is straddling the center armrest. If there are three people in the front seat and three people in the backseat and you are driving a car that seats five comfortably then you are definitely on your way to having fun. No one packs a car six deep on the way to see their estate planner.


We work all day Saturday and take a break around 10 PM. I decide to go to the Kogi Korean BBQ truck. This is a taco truck that makes tacos and burritos that are full of Korean food. There are two trucks and they are in different places every night and you find out about their locations via Twitter. If you are a young person in the Los Angeles area I get the sense that you know about this already.


On my way there I am taking a very circuitous route and I end up having to make a u-turn and as I spin the wheel I accidentally flip my wipers on. I am new at my car and I can’t figure out how to turn them off again. The lever I think should logically get them to switch off just turns on my brights. I am still driving (very slowly) as I try to figure this out so to an observer it looks like a sensible German car is rolling very slowly down a mostly deserted major thoroughfare blasting guitar music from open windows and toggling its brights while its wipers go slow then fast then slow but never turn off entirely. I pull off on a side street and stop and turn on my hazard flashers and figure this whole thing out. I find the switch that controls the windshield wipers. There. Now I am ready to be cool. I re-emerge into the night.


The truck is parked off the Miracle Mile. I park across the street. A guy in a green reflective vest appears from nowhere and says “If you’re going to the club or whatever, I wouldn’t park there.” He says I will get a ticket because the rich people whose condos I have parked in front of are bastards. I thank him and head back towards my car. He keeps restating the reasons I shouldn’t park there. I continue to thank him. I get the sense that he’s lonely.


I park by the truck. There isn’t much of a line, which is nice. A European couple in line in front of me is making lengthy conversation with the guy who is taking orders. The New Yorker in me is screaming “fucking stop talking and GO” in my head until finally the woman turns and notices me and apologizes for taking so long and pulls her husband away. They are very nice and I feel bad for having cursed at them via thoughts.


I am more or less the last person to get my food before they shutter the truck to move on to their next location. A guy on an impressive motorcycle wearing a black old-style motorcycle helmet pulls into a nearby apartment building. He walks up and asks the guy in the window what time they close. The guy in the window says they’re closing right then, does he want something? “No, I’m just making sure when you close,” motorcycle guy says, and walks back to his apartment building, pure spite. When you are at the motorcycle dealership buying your nice bike and your cool helmet, the guy selling you the stuff should be required to say, “You realize all this stuff won’t make you NOT an uptight prick, right?”


Driving back, I am stopped at a light behind two cars. A green light comes and goes for us and nobody moves. Finally an employee comes out of a donut shop to our right and walks to the corner and yells to the driver in the car at the intersection: “You okay, bro? You gotta wake up!” I guess he does wake up because his car pulls forward. We all drive away in various directions. Stopped another light, a couple guys in black shirts and black ties run in front of my car in the middle of the street. It is like that scene in “A Hard Day’s Night” if instead of The Beatles and thousands of screaming fans it featured two guys from The Hives and nobody.


There is that scientific principal about how observing something changes that thing. There are those particles that are there when you aren’t looking at them and then aren’t there when you are. Along those same lines, a skinny Asian guy doing the robot in the backseat of his friend’s car will stop doing the robot when observed. And the scientific observer will want to say “Aw, it’s cool, man, keep doing it, I don’t care,” but will not have the means to communicate that to the observed Asian guy. A thumbs up would seem patronizing and sarcastic. The scientific observer considers pouring his entire government grant into inventing a new, entirely sincere thumbs up that will certainly have numerous aeronautical and military applications but can mostly be used to tell people to not stop dancing.


If you ask me if I like anything more than driving around alone with my music up very loud I will tell you “no” and mean it.

Posted by DC at July 13, 2009 05:16 AM
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