On Friday I eat lunch at a place called Souplantation that somebody recommended to me the other night after UCB. It’s essentially a big cafeteria, and there are lots of people eating alone, so I don’t feel strange sitting and reading my book. If you know a guy who likes eating his lunch alone while reading a book more than me…well, you just don’t.
Dom and Dan and I go to see “UP” (my second time, Dan’s second time, Dom’s first) and for some reason we are going to see it at Universal Citywalk and we are starting out in the early evening on a Friday so traffic is a parody of traffic. We are just stuck and the GPS starts despairing, showing us arrival times that are after the movie will start. “California Dreamin’” comes on the radio as we slow to a halt. Sometimes LA irony is pretty on the nose. We think maybe we can exchange our tickets for a later showtime and get some dinner or something. We play around with Dan’s new iPhone’s video functionality while all the cars poke along.
You can look out from where we park in the Citywalk parking garage and see endless mountain-and-cloud. The sun just set and everything’s purple. Inside the mall proper, a late-period (shitty) Smashing Pumpkins video looms over all of us on a giant video screen, Billy Corgan like Big Brother if everybody in “1984” went “Ah, somewhere inside I’ll always like you, Big Brother, because I loved you when I was 13, even though now it seems you’re a tremendous douche.”
We go inside the movie theater to exchange our tickets. I see a poster for a movie called “Aliens In The Attic” and the tagline lets me know it’s about a family called The Pearsons. I urge you to boycott this movie and any others using the bastardized “P-E-A” form of my last name, and save your money for films that use only the authentic “P-I-E-R-S-O-N” spelling. If you were greatly anticipating seeing “Aliens In The Attic,” you have my sympathies and I appreciate your sacrifice.
We go to dinner at Tony Roma’s. At the next table sit six very animated middle-aged people, two of whom are older Asian women who I guess don’t speak English, because a woman, who, in a movie of the evening would be played by Stockard Channing, is using big exaggerated mime gestures as she talks to them slowly about elders and congregations. Her pantomime is particularly huge for “baptism:” plugging her nose, throwing her head back, hard. She does this several times. Another woman has a Japanese-English dictionary. At a certain point the pantomime woman and an older black man with a weirdly oriented bald spot start dancing in their seats to “Boogie Shoes.”
Outside after dinner, we can hear a cover band on the upper level of the mall playing Heart, and then “You Can Call Me Al.” A dad takes a picture of a mom and their kid next to a parked cop car. A female folk singer is playing a guitar and singing into a little P.A. and pushing her CD in between songs. Parking security guards roam the lot on three-wheeled Segways with head-lamps, and I wish they were droids.
We walk back to the movie theater. Universal Citywalk was seemingly designed by a Universal Studios flush with Jurassic Park cash and holding in their hands a report from their research and development department assuring them it would be 1994 forever.
We get awesome seats and then an employee comes in and tells us they haven’t cleaned yet and ask us to wait outside. The rest of the audience starts to gather, mostly families with little kids. Two little Indian girls climb into the space where the garbage can would normally be if it weren’t inside with the employees cleaning the theater, and they stick their heads up through the square hole in the wooden cabinet where you throw your popcorn and soda away after the movie. They are two disembodied heads and seem to realize how amusing this should be to everyone, and it is to most of us, but they quit when they don’t get whatever reaction they wanted to get out of their mom.
I get a little upset during the previews thinking about how not only do people sometimes assume every CG movie is Pixar-made, but that there are probably studios who can’t wait, who actively try to make people confuse their ramshackle computer-generated efforts with Pixar’s. Then the short starts, and then the feature. Should go without saying but I love “UP” and everything it represents and I think it’s just about perfect. I cried at all the parts you cried at, ‘cause we’re both human.
There is a parking lot at Citywalk called Jurassic Parking, which gets me right where I live. We’re parked in the Curious George Lot. Dan points out that, with the exception of Jurassic Parking, when it came to naming their parking lots they just didn’t fucking try.
Something that still rules: calling “shotgun” when you’re in sight of the car. You have to be in sight of the car, right? Right. Those are the rules, and we play by them so civilization doesn’t just fly apart.
Sorry to keep commenting, but I can't get over how good this 100 Days of LA series is. I feel like if aliens read your blog about the way people act in public and effortlessly name parking lots after movies, they'd think we were all insane, which is something to think about.
Posted by: Chelseadude! THANK YOU!
Shotgun rules are that you can only call it when you're in sight of the car. A modified form of it being when you're in a parking structure already.
But fucking Pally and Doug INSIST that i'm wrong and that you can call it as soon as you're on your way to the car. Which to me is COMPLETE CHAOS!!! I always fucking lose this way too because I was brought up in civil society and not like an animal who yells shotgun as soon as the check is paid at dinner.
I need some backup on this.
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