May 27, 2009

When we discovered there was another Earth, pristine and uninhabited except for plentiful animal and plant life, floating just next to our Earth and hidden from our view since the beginning of time by a light-refracting reality rift, connected to ours via a painless, naturally occurring space-elevator at the North Pole, we sort of lost our shit. All environmental slogans about there being one and only one Earth we had to protect and cherish kind of went out the window. We started fucking this Earth up even more aggressively than we had been, any thin pretense of preservation was gone, because we knew we had another one, totally cherry.

Really really REALLY die-hard environmentalists who were anxious about the pace at which we were destroying the original Earth, concerned we would not slow up when we were left with only the new virgin Earth, had to change rhetoric now that the One-Earth thing wasn't true. So they put forth a “Just Don’t Destroy Planets In General” thing, but it fell on ears deafened by chainsaws roaring in rainforests and the gunning of jet engines retrofitted to sick motorcycles and IEDs going off in meadows where endangered species frolicked, placed there for the stone fuck of it, revenge for making us care about them all those years. We tore up this old world like it was something we’d been doing furtively and in secret all these years that had just been legalized and now we were doing it openly and wantonly in the streets. At the rate we were killing this one, it wasn’t impossible to imagine we would eat up that whole other planet in no time once we moved there, but it really did feel like then we might find another one hovering and cloaked just beyond this new planet, and so on and so on in a chain of gorgeous new homeworlds just for us. It kind of felt like maybe we really were some God’s favored species. It kind of felt like school was out.

When the new Earth turned out to be an alien trap and we all had to flee back to a beshitted Earth-1, we felt really dumb there among the acid seas and garbage continents, and we sort of envied the people who’d been first to arrive on the new Earth and were there to see the brand new fields turn into fire and see the untouched mountains open up and whole platoons of killer alien footsoldiers come pouring out, you know, the people that were dead.

Posted by DC at May 27, 2009 02:58 AM
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