June 04, 2008

At the big rock festival a thousand kids went ape-shit for the Japanese girl and the skinny man in the striped t-shirt playing spaced-apart guitar notes at each other.

At least two thousand other kids pretended to be as ape-shit for the Japanese girl and the skinny man as the one thousand kids who were legitimately ape-shit for them, and did so in order to impress those one thousand other kids.

And thirteen thousand other kids were bored stupid because they were waiting for the Japanese girl and the skinny man to vacate the stage and be replaced by four well-groomed handsome Southern California dudes in an acceptable amount of eye-makeup, and they said how bored they were with bottles and cans and whatever they could lay hand to and throw at the Japanese girl and the skinny man, and whatever curse words they could shout between and over the spaced-out guitar notes.

Until finally one of the well-groomed handsome Southern California dudes, the lead singer, came onstage and pleaded for everyone to pay attention to the Japanese girl and the skinny man in the striped t-shirt, because they blow his mind and they might also blow the mind of the thirteen thousand bored kids if they’d only take the time to pay attention.

And as he left the stage the two thousand kids pretending turned to the one thousand really ape-shit kids and said “That’s really cool of him to do that” and the one thousand kids said, “Yea, but he’s a douchebag” and the two thousand kids said “Yea, you’re right,” and reminded themselves silently not to hand their iPods to the one thousand kids to play in the car on the ride home without first making sure they had definitely taken off all of the well-groomed handsome Southern California dudes’ songs.

They were pretty sure they had done it when they started hanging out with the one thousand ape-shit kids but they weren’t absolutely sure, and they didn’t want to take them out and check now because that would be obvious.

And it’s a good thing they didn’t because the simultaneous glint from the screens of two thousand iPods being removed from backpacks and pockets and purses might blind the pilot of the promotional helicopter circling overhead dropping coupons for an energy drink, causing him to veer wildly off course and crash into the Japanese girl and the skinny man in the striped t-shirt, killing them.

In which case one thousand kids would think “What a horrible tragedy but it was really appropriate considering some of the apocalyptic imagery from their lyrics” and two thousand kids would think “Fuck, now that they’re dead everyone’s going to like them a lot more and I’m going to have to pretend to like them forever” and thirteen thousand kids will think that the well-groomed Southern California dudes sure have stepped up their live-show theatrics since the last time they toured, when they entered the stage on the hood of a tricked-out Cadillac hearse.

Posted by DC at June 4, 2008 05:15 AM


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