October 17, 2007

End Of Summer (Beginning Of Autumn) Story Thon, Day 17

Today's suggestion is from Kaitlin Valli: "avalanche"




Yo, let me introduce the crew from the top, ‘cause we got like mad different styles to how we do our shit, we one of the deepest crews in rap, y’know what I’m sayin, so just let me break it down right quick.

First we got Avalanche, y’know what I’m sayin, he just, he be comin down the mountain on some real, on some real he comin down the mountain type shit, like, oh shit, don’t talk or nothing or even breathe, this mountain be stupid prone to avalanches ‘n shit, but look, you open yo mouth and you spoke, you dumb, and now here comes the avalanche and now you trapped under seventy feet o’ snow with nothin’ but a dog and two sherpas and the millionaire that funded yo expedition, know what I’m sayin’? He the Avalanche.

Then we got Secret Shopper, y’know what I’m sayin, he just be comin all up in your store, you know what I mean? He all UP in your store, knowwhati’msayin, you know, where you got the goods at and ALL that, but you ain’t even know, you just think he another customer, youknowwhati’msayin, a CUSTOMER, and he come up in your store and he catch you doin like five things wrong that you supposed to be doin according to the employee handbook, you know, you not be givin the full range of customer service, you be talkin’ on your cellphone and you don’t even offer to help the person out to they car with they groceries, youknowwhati’msayin, and he don’t even say nothing, he just report you to corporate and he get paid and then corporate be telling your boss and then YOU get in trouble, yknowwhati’msayin? He the Secret Shopper.

Next is the Cubist, and the Cubist is the Cubist ‘cause he jus be deconSTRUCtin you, yourknowwhatI’msayin, he deconstructin you into your component parts, right, breakin you down into your natural shapes and abstractin um in two dimensions, his style is crazy, like, people be lookin at how he broke you down and initially they be like “This is garbage, how is this art?” but eventually they see how how he broke you down like a bitch is, like, givin mad different perspectives at one time, like, one perspective shows how you a bitch, and the other perspective shows how you a punk-ass bitch, and they see how he broke you down all abstract is reflective of like, mad upheavals in modern thought due to industrialization n’ shit, youknowwhatI’msayin’, and your ass jus be hangin on a wall in two dimensions and though it may not be appreciated in its time someday your bitch-ass gonna sell for millions of dollars, yknowwhati’msayin’, and though his style is eventually superseded by like mad surrealisms, he gon be influential, right, his influence gon still be reflected to-DAY. Naw mean? He the Cubist.

Then, oh shit, then we got The Great American Novel, ferreal, we got The Great American Novel, ‘cause can’t nobody write LIKE him and therefore can’t nobody WRITE him, you know what I’m sayin, fam? And The Great American Novel, he ain’t even gon come after you, y’know? You gotta come after him, y’know, you gon have like, you gon like go to college and you be all studying all kinda liberal arts, you be studying poetry, you be writin mad music reviews for the school paper, knowwhatI’msayin, but your parents be like pressurin you to have a fallback career, they be on some serious “People are always going to need lawyers” shit, type real, and so you be pre-law, and in yo Ethics seminar, no doubt you gon have some real pretty well-meanin well-bred girl you gon meet, and before you know it you married and yo fallback career is yo career, no JOKE, you be eatin’ off how you specialized in trade libel at Yale, knowwhatI’msayin, ferreal, but all the while knowin you shoulda done something creative, so when you bald and you hit forty you have like this ill midlife crisis, like this shit is a bomb, like you be quittin the firm just as they about to make you partner and you got kids and you be like, “Yo, I’m gon write the Great American Novel, word is bond,” and your wizz be mad as hell, and you try, but you been outta the game too long and that creative spark done died DOWN, fam, it done GUTTERED, and you get to like page twenty after like six months but you do end up fuckin the babysitter, youknowwhatI’msayin? He on some real dream-of-capturing-something-essential-and-oddly-hollow-at-the-center-of-the-American-experience-driven-better-men-than-you-to-the-bottle-and-the-grave type SHIT. Word. He gon make you drink. He the Great American Novel.

Then we got me, Fish Face. I'm Fish Face 'cause I got kind of a fish face.

Posted by DC at October 17, 2007 01:53 AM
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