ham fisted theatrics

I'm only able to judge the quality of World Cup soccer games by the degree to which each team bends it like Beckham. I have a scorecard where I rate each team on a number of scales, and the aggregate of those scores determines how much like (or unlike) Beckham each team bent it, 30 being the bend most like Beckham, zero being not bent at all, much less resembing Beckham in any capacity. The scales are as follows:

- The degree to which the players are rejected by their traditionalist Indian father for their tomboy-ish interest in the game. (zero-10)

- The number of times the teams' play causes me to exclaim "Bullocks, Jess!" (zero-10)

- The degree to which Keira Knightley is hot. (all teams receive a 10)