June 15, 2006

This summer’s hotly anticipated blockbuster “Superman Returns” concerns the legendary superhero returning to Earth after a long hiatus. But Superman is not the only comic book character to have taken a break from costumed do-goodery. What follows is a catalogue of lesser known superheroes, and the circumstances surrounding both the break from their crime-fighting duties and their glorious (or inglorious) return.

- Miniscule Man, who spent an entire summer in the pocket of Maine resident Paul W. Rennslears’ winter coat, which was hung in Mr. Rennslears’ hall closet. The following December, Mr. Rennslear discovered Miniscule Man, along with a crumpled twenty dollar bill Rennslear had put in the pocket last March and forgotten about.

- Boyfriend Boy and Girlfriend Girl, who took a break from each other a few months after graduating Superhero Academy (“The Significant Others,” Issue #8). Girlfriend Girl briefly took up a partnership with The Other Man, whose superpower is the ability to create jealousy. The two reunited after being zapped with Dr. Relationship’s Inertia Ray.

- The Actress, whose comic, “Actress Adventures,” is published under the Mundane Comics imprint, who briefly switched her major to Theatrical Design after the entire Mundane universe was rocked by the Crisis Of Confidence. She switched back after discovering that the spring mainstage was going to be “Annie Get Your Gun.”

- Professor Follicle, whose power over the minds of anyone with facial hair gave him immense power until The Fashions (who control Earthly tastes from an orbital platform three hundred miles above Milan) dictated that men wear a more clean-shaven look. He has experienced a resurgence in recent years, though his dominion remains limited mostly to hipsters with ironic beards, thirteen-year-olds growing ill-advised puberty moustaches, and the Amish.

- Munthar, Eater Of Worlds, who switched to a planetless diet after he ripped a pair of pants that used to fit him perfectly when he was twenty-two aeons old. After he went through his breakup with Shinta The Inconquerable, he resumed planet-eating in an epic binge while watching “Mad About You” reruns on a galaxy-wide TV set.

- The Incredible Returning Man, whose incredible return surprised no one.

Posted by DC at June 15, 2006 06:40 PM
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