November 17, 2005

Nat'l Novel Writing Month Short Story Challenge, Day Fourteen

Today's suggestion, from Shannon P O'Neill: "Carlos you fucking Monkey!"

On Wednesday and Thursday the wild chimpanzee, Klaus, that I inherited from my recently deceased eccentric uncle, is acting like a wild chimpanzee I inherited from an eccentric uncle: tearing up furniture, throwing glass, getting drunk on cleaning products. I'm expecting my life will turn into a madcap adventure as the monkey ruins facets of my life (family, romantic, professional) one by one with his antics. But by Friday he's chilled out a lot and we've actually settled into kind of a nice routine.

He sleeps on the couch and pees, the first three or four times not withstanding, in the toilet. He enjoys TV and doesn't move much when it's on. Especially VH-1 and E! programming, there's a lot of quick edits and flashy things. I watch those shows anyway but now I feel productive when they're on. He wears human underpants (mine). We drink beers. He doesn't smoke as a rule, but he will if I offer him one and I do, 'cause it's pretty hilarious. You have to get him an ashtray: he'll ash in it but he won't seek it out on his own. He freaks out a little when the neighbors fuck loudly but so would I if I hadn't heard it every night for the past three years. He eats the things I eat, and not too much, either.

And get this: I came back from the bathroom on Saturday night (we were watching "Sleepers" on TNT) and there were two sandwiches on the coffee table, on paper towels. He had made sandwiches. Not exactly the sandwiches you and I would make: no lettuce or tomato or condiments, just bread and meat and cheese thrown together indiscriminately but still, sandwiches.

And they say there are no miracles.

Posted by DC at November 17, 2005 11:22 PM
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