September 07, 2005
Summer is officially kaput.
Today was the first day of classes but I ain't have to go because I don't have class on Tuesdays. I do have a class tommorrow at 11. It's about World War II. And then at 12:30 I go learn how to write one-hour TV shows. My life is made of spongey golden cake.
"Hammerkatz" is now the number-three most popular "tag" on the movies section of CollegeHumor.com. We have officially surpassed "Hurricane Katrina" (which includes the Kanye freak-out and a couple of weathermen throwing hissy fits. We hear a lot about how this crisis has affected the poor refugees of New Orleans, but I think the real untold story is its deleterious effects on ultra-wealthy rapper/producers and well-coifed meteorologists. Where's the outrage?) though we have yet to pass up "Stunts" and "Dangerous." In order to mount this hill, we're planning to shoot a video of a dangerous stunt, wherein a man leaps several flaming school-buses on an equally flaming motorcyle. The man on the motorcycle? Kanye West. (Just 'cause we've passed up his video in popularity doesn't mean we don't to intergrate his drawing power into our own attempt at the summit.)
To complete the effect and heighten the "danger," Kanye will also be on fire. (Were he white, instead of "on fire," the media would describe him as "nobly attempting self-barbeque.")
Seriously though, you gotta watch the fucking Kanye freakout video if you haven't seen it. The sad thing is how dead-on and honest he is for the most part. Comedy is context: say "George Bush doesn't care about black people" and you're making a political statement, say "George Bush doesn't care about black people" right after Mike Myers has finished calmly reading copy off a cue card and turned to you hoping you might chose this moment to go back on-script, and you don't, causing NBC to cut away to the bewildered star of "Rush Hour" and "Rush Hour 2," and you, sir, are making comedy. However unintentional and heartfelt, whatever good points are being made about media predjudice, however much I loved your first album and the time I saw you at Cornell, whatever albums you have just released that I still haven't heard.
Ways In Which My Life Is Like The OC:
- I was whisked away from a life of petty cartheivery to a high-class beach wonderland by a do-gooding public defender with huge eyebrows
- I have been dating my jerky Hollister-catalog boyfriend since the fifth grade and am oblivious to his near-constant seaside infidelities
- The private school I attend is so posh I am constantly referred to as a "geek" despite my quick wit, TV-perfect looks, and Urban Outfitters wardrobe
- My cotillion was ruined by a fistfight about embezzlement
- My new adopted grandfather's hot model girlfriend made out with me while I was reading a comic book
- After witnessing the boy I am secretly enamored with making out with his new adopted grandfather's hot model girlfriend (unrelated to my new grandfather and his hot model girlfriend who made out with me, see previous) I hopped in my jerky boyfriend's big truck and subsequently gave up my virginity to him, and admitted to my hot-as-shit best friend the next day that it was a summarily unsatisfactory experience
- My dad told me over the phone my mom was divorcing him, so I took a bunch of pills and washed them down with tequila and passed out in an Tijuana alleyway
- I carried the girl whose mother will later insist I have caused her to try and kill herself out of an alleyway in Tijuana where I found her passed out (unrelated to previous, different girl, different Tijuana)
- One of the most commonly used phrases in my lexicon is "Daddy's credit card"
- I have unlimited access to my mother's Range Rover
- One of my favorite bands is Death Cab
Ways In Which My Life Is Different Than The OC
- The beach I live on is much, much nicer
- I am allowed to show boobs
If you are planning to participate in the "How My Life Is Like The OC" bit in the comments, and I would be delighted if you would, please refrain from doing any bits that reference things that happen after Season One Episode Eight. Disc Three is on its way.