July 26, 2005

I am gonna do an experiment this week, because I can't think of anything better to do, to write a short story a night based on a random Biggie lyric. Today's selection (from "Kick In The Door"):

Your reign at the top was short like leprechauns

Everybody wants to stump you.

The waitress at the airport diner asks you the name of the world’s first test-tube baby. The flight attendant stops you from boarding the plane so she can as you what’s John Wayne’s hometown. Back at work Monday morning, your boss Terry forgoes finding out how you’ve been the past three months to ask what acrocyanosis is.

Everyone has at least one bit of trivia, one silver-bullet stumper, packed away with encounters like this with supposed smart guys. Everyone, no matter how daft, has some segment of their life that’s exposed them to some details nobody else would know, or so they think. The airport waitress was a test tube baby herself. The flight attendant grew up in John Wayne’s birthplace. Terry is the dumbest person you know, but his wife’s checkered health history has given him the hard-to-spell multisyllabic name of a single obscure malady to wield. And he does so frequently, because doing so is the one bright spot in a disease that renders his wife sexually unattractive to him.

Louise Brown, you say.

Winterset, Iowa, you say.

A dark blue discoloration and swelling of the hands and feet, you say.

You have no special bit of trivia. You have all of them, you have a sticky brain. You have no strange angle, no weird quirk that gives you a vein of rich specifics. You’re an insurance claims adjuster. Nobody ever asks game show questions about insurance claims adjusters, there are no salient details to the job. Other people live interesting lives and write about them and they end up in encyclopedias they made fun of you for reading in grade school. You don’t read so much as you laser the information into your skull. You had a dream one time where that’s what it looked like.

Your interesting thing happened four months ago up until two weeks ago. The thing that you would know that nobody else would know is the softness of the cushion of the makeup chair on the set of “Genius Battle.” How the host, Gene Tendril, smells vaguely of gin and his made-up face, when not interpreted through a camera lens, looks wrapped in Saran Wrap. How there’s a Genius Battle groupie named Sarah who rents a studio apartment across from the lot and makes a point of fucking whoever’s the show’s current champion. The guy before you was married and wouldn’t do it, and he was on for seven months, four months longer than you, so when you started winning, God was she hungry for it. It was better than that girl at church camp when your were both seventeen year old counselors who wanted to do it while she was on the phone with her mom, and ended up attempting suicide, shaving her head, returning to the camp the next summer and throwing a dead raccoon into a raft full of campers. She was the last time you had anybody. You think of all the sex in your life as finding money in the street: it’s great when it happens but it has nothing to do with your merit.

The salesman at the boat dealership asks you what was the name of Joan Jett’s first band.

The guy you hire to teach how to sail asks you what NFL player simultaneously played quarterback for the Browns at got a Ph.D. in Mathematics.

In the absence of anything else to talk about, a guest at your yacht party asks you what makeup vaudeville artists wore for blackface acts.

You figured sailing would be something interesting to do with your winnings, give you something truly unique, but you already knew what everything was called, even though you’d never been on a yacht. No further instruction necessary, the sailing instructor spent the rest of the eight hours you were paying him for trying to stump you. By the time the party rolled around, you still didn’t have any good stories.

The Runaways, you said.

Frank Ryan, you said.

Shoe Polish, you said.




One night after a taping and three glasses of wine, you asked the groupie woman what she did when the current champion was female. She walked over to the stereo, turned down Steely Dan, put her hand to her mouth and gave the universal symbol for cunnilingus. You weren’t quite sure why she had to turn down the music to do that, but you were pretty certain someday she would shave her head, and start tossing dead critters at children.

Now that he doesn’t want to fuck his wife, Terry and this woman should get together. But that could never happen, because Terry is an idiot. Unless of course all the questions were about acrocyanosis.




Gene Tendril asked you seven hundred and seventy eight things over three months and then he asked you who was the first king of an independent Portugal.

After the show, you called Groupie Woman and the phone just rang and rang. Crazy women do not have answering machines. Then you went downstairs and checked out of the Westwood Sheraton, where guests of Genius Battle stay when in Los Angeles. The pool is not as idyllic as it looks in the post-show promo still.

Uhmmmm, you said.




You think you might start pretending not to know the things people ask you. You might start shrugging and say “You got me!” This will give the people a story to tell their friends. They’ll preface the story by asking their friend, “Do you know the name of the third most winning contestant in the history of Genius Battle?”

Then they will have stumped two people in a row.

Posted by DC at July 26, 2005 03:04 AM
Comments

loan refinance mortgage calculator refinance loan mortgage calculator

Posted by: calculator loan refinance mortgage

loan refinance mortgage calculator refinance loan mortgage calculator

Posted by: calculator loan refinance mortgage

dlwOvb comment4 ,

Posted by: Auiiqoso

Beautiful site!

Posted by: tramadol wikipedia

Great site. Good info.

Posted by: 200 tramadol overnight cod

Great work, webmaster, nice design!

Posted by: tramadol dog dose

I bookmarked this link. Thank you for good job!

Posted by: buy soma online paypal

Great. Now i can say thank you!

Posted by: amitriptyline tramadol mydocalm

Great. Now i can say thank you!

Posted by: cheep tramadol paris france

It is the coolest site, keep so!

Posted by: order viagra with mastercard

It is the coolest site, keep so!

Posted by: generic viagra canadian pharmacy no prescription

I bookmarked this link. Thank you for good job!

Posted by: 2mg xanax buy

Great. Now i can say thank you!

Posted by: somas and drug testing

Great. Now i can say thank you!

Posted by: brand name xanax

Great site. Keep doing.

Posted by: buy line viagra

Great work, webmaster, nice design!

Posted by: soma online lowest prices

diHivJ

Posted by: Lmwexzjk

+1

Posted by: soundtracks

Very goood!!!

Posted by: javagame

Very interesting site. Hope it will always be alive!

Posted by: bulk tramadol

Perfect work!

Posted by: tramadol teaching

I want to say - thank you for this!

Posted by: viagra propecia cialias

Incredible site!

Posted by: tramadol 50 mg 377

Great site. Keep doing.

Posted by: online pharmacies tramadol

Great site. Good info.

Posted by: tramadol 120 tablets

Great site. Keep doing.

Posted by: buy prescription tramadol without tramadol online

I want to say - thank you for this!

Posted by: discount prescription viagra

Great site. Good info.

Posted by: tramadol 50mg

Perfect work!

Posted by: pharmacology of tramadol

If you have to do it, you might as well do it right.

Posted by: cyclobenzaprine tramadol

g3nJkf Great work, webmaster, nice design!

Posted by: sex after taking viagra

Very interesting site. Hope it will always be alive!

Posted by: facts tramadol 50 mg

Nice work

Posted by: pills

Nice blog! Very interesting themes

Posted by: buypills

Very nice site!

Posted by: John613

Very nice site!

Posted by: Pharmf5

Very nice site! cheap viagra

Posted by: Pharmf259

Very nice site!

Posted by: Pharmb116

Hello!

Posted by: viagra

Very nice site! cheap viagra

Posted by: Pharma307

Very nice site! cheap viagra

Posted by: Pharmk798

Very nice site!

Posted by: Pharmd825

Very nice site! cheap viagra

Posted by: Pharme724

Very nice site!

Posted by: Pharmd366

Very nice site!

Posted by: Pharmd703

www пеленгатор ru 0
http://forfamily.free-hosting.cc

Posted by: Targewayemory

Designer Replica Handbags

Posted by: replica bags

Fake designer handbags

Posted by: Replica bags

fake rolex

Posted by: replica

buy viagra online canadian

Posted by: SnoftdinoSymn

Rhodalini buy viagra sails Eulitrus

Posted by: Jopa

What is the difference in between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa quits following 3 Ho's.

Posted by: Callaway Golf Club Reviews

Subscribe

Posted by: Used Golf Clubs

Florinur

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Afrarctur

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Zeelinya

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Indarcia

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Escadon

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Mallorca

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Estya

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Norarona

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Bolevur

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Mallorca

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Afrorcul

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Mallorca

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Afrarctur

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Bolevur

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Itandea

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Sarilias

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Mallanea

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Engica

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Afrorcul

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Cesasana

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Indarcia

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Escuarion

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Anon

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Arcartum

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Egalana

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Egis

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Majycova

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Cyprysias

Posted by: Cheap medications

Ibacor

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Trinul

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Anon

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Amya

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Asinthias

Posted by: Cheap medications

Xanymnul

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Sarilias

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Perentium

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Estantini

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Viryrus

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Eulaba

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Eulaba

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Tasmopini

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Anuanion

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Estya

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Agesul

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Egunda

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Ugentur

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Cyprilur

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Engica

Posted by: Cheap medications

Mallanea

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Eura

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Amatana

Posted by: Cheap medications

Asasium

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Agryrur

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Tracand

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Agarnius

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Bolevur

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Egunda

Posted by: Cheap medications

Anglartini

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Egianini

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Laurontana

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Cyprilur

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Mallanea

Posted by: Cheap medications

Sarilias

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Egis

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Ugentur

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Spararnica

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Cesabias

Posted by: Cheap medications

Norarcius

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Bolevur

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Actana

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Brundentas

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Estantini

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Agarnius

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Asinthias

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Amya

Posted by: Cheap medications

Ibacor

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Arcartum

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Actana

Posted by: Cheap medications

Sarilias

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Russetion

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Cyprysias

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Tasmopini

Posted by: Cheap medications

Indygium

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Agesul

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Mallorca

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Florygea

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Itandea

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Rhodarctias

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Actianaea

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Sarentias

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Corundova

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Ibanius

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Eularnya

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Anuanion

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Amya

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Castuareos

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Brundentas

Posted by: Cheap medications

Amya

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Florisana

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Atlona

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Florygea

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Rhodarctias

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Austrerum

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Agarnius

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Indygium

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Cyprilur

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Anuanion

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Actetium

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Egureos

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Caspuarana

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Cyprysias

Posted by: Cheap medications

Arcaia

Posted by: Cheap medications

Arcymnia

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Indonya

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Ition

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Mirundis

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Romevia

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Indasion

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Afrilor

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Cesinthur

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Dalinaia

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Mytarctova

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Itovur

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Manchantana

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Mallorur

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Japurica

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Thacya

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Aquova

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Galletand

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Eulul

Posted by: Cheap medications

Pontasor

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Ibalias

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Agus

Posted by: Cheap medications

Scotatana

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Sparardona

Posted by: Online Drugstore

Utantene

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Afrilor

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Asontor

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Ibarctur

Posted by: Cheap medications

Asaea

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Mirardaia

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Esternis

Posted by: Cheap medications

Engarcea

Posted by: Online prescriptions

Peratica

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Mirardaia

Posted by: Cheap medications

Egatrias

Posted by: Cheap medications

Arcacur

Posted by: Cheap medications

Indasion

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Ition

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Pontasor

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Austreos

Posted by: Online pharmacy

Terrarius

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Byzitror

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Amagand

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Thanks for this post, your site is doing good service to the fashion sector! I am presently working using a brand new venture with the aim connect the fashion sector in a single forum. I am grateful to come across this post.

Posted by: Fashion Merchandising

In connected press, following his media convention admitting his indiscretions, Tiger Woods started apologizing on the females with whom he experienced affairs. Twelve hrs later they are saying he barely scratched the floor.

Posted by: Golf Clubs

The photography is amazeballs. I appreciate this article, I am a advertising professional in Arkansas and I discovered this to be pretty helpful.

Posted by: Used Golf Clubs

The photography is amazeballs. Many thanks this article, I'm a marketing professional in Czechoslovakia and I discovered this to become extremely helpful.

Posted by: Fashion Trends

Truly great entry to study on.. I'm really curious with this report. Looking forward for far more information.

Posted by: Monique Gastelo

Utorea

Posted by: Cheap drugs

Ursiatur

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Russundana

Posted by: Cheap pharmacy

Panenini

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Romiatum

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

Romontene

Posted by: Cheap drugstore

"You lost me, buddy. I suggest, I suppose I get what youre saying. I get exactly where youre returning from. But you just appear to have forgotten that there are people today on the market who can see this problem for what it truly is and may not concur with you. You appear to alienate a entire bunch of men and women who could possibly have been fans of your blog."

Posted by: Ride Snowboards
Post a comment









Remember personal info?