April 26, 2005

In my dreams people live on the subway tracks. I'm always in the subway station and they jump off platforms and walk across the forbidden tracks like it was nothing.

Tonight on my way home from writing, I was reading my book when some guy just strolled by, heading downtown, down on the tracks. On the far side of the third rail. Expensive-looking headphones on. Flashlight beams dancing on his backpack from the MTA employees thirty clumsy steps behind him, also on the tracks, in not-so-hot pursuit. I wondered why they didn't hop up on the platform, run where they had steady footing, and tackle the guy. But probably they were waiting for the cops. If a guy can walk casually through dark tunnels amid the rats, right next to imminent third death by electrocution, obscuring with headphones one sense that would tell him when a train was barrelling down on his back, he is also probably capable of seriously fucking dudes up.

The downtown train pulled in slowly, so I figured they got the guy. Then one station down the line we halted due to "an unauthorized person on the tracks," so they hadn't caught him yet, and at Bleecker St., we were told it was the last stop. Motherfucker. I walked the rest of the way, twenty, twenty five minutes I could've been sleeping, kind of hoping the guy got pasted by the train for fucking up my commute, realizing this is a callous thing to think, especially considering I'm using other time I could be sleeping, y'know, writing about it. I always have trouble summoning sympathy for crazy people.

Then, about three blocks from home, "L'Amour A 3" by Stereo Total came up on shuffle. This song is a recorded smile. It physically pulls up the corners of my mouth. I can't decide whether it's shallow or not that the tail end of the evening was redeemed solely by a song. I guess I'm hypersensitive to shallowness since I recently finished Glamorama and re-read Less Than Zero for the first time since high school, and in Bret Easton Ellis books shallowness implies eventual complicity in rape and murder and decay.

Then "Number 1 Spot" came on next, and ever feeling anything but ecstatic seemed like a choice, and one I was dumb for making.

I'm never goin' nowhere, so don't try me.

I'm going to see The Decemberists on Thursday night at their NYU concert. Then again next week at Irving Plaza. Probably The Mountain Goats next Thursday night. So clearly I am working my ass off trying to reverse that choice I made not to be happy.

I'm not sure what the thesis is here. Maybe: My dreams dictate the real world and Ludacris is awesome.


Posted by DC at April 26, 2005 02:13 AM

Never marry but for love; but see that thou lovest what is lovely.

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