February 09, 2004

I am hell of poor.

As I've watched the bank account dwindle I kept hitting bumps in the road to starting my terrible telemarketing job. I was supposed to start two weeks ago but today was my first day. That's two paychecks that will remain strictly hypothetical, and my balance shows it.

It's a shit job. I'd figured that from the beginning, today merely reinforced that fact. It also turns out it's a shit job I won't be able to keep; my schedule just doesn't permit it. You have to work three shifts a week, and they're only during certain times. With the exception of Sundays, I'm not particularly free any of those times, what with night classes and rehearsal and stuff. So I'd only be able to work two, and they demand three. Which means today was my first and last time getting hung up on by a rapid succession of surly old Jews (I'm not being anti-semitic, it's a Jewish charity, it just so happens everyone I called today either wasn't home or was old and surly, or, I would speculate, a combination of both. I loves me some Jew, ask anyone), the first and last time I'll get to hear "Justin Goldberg" (probably not his real name, I was "Josh" today) at the end of the row of cubicles opining on how much he loves golf and how he's "off his game" and how much better it would be if he ran this place and breaking into spontaneous rap verses and discussing freestyling strategy with the equally-if-not-more-whiteboy across the way in between calls, and hopefully the last time I will look around and think "If crushing depression were a place, it would be this one."

Shame, really.

I have to call them tommorrow and tell them I can't come back. I don't expect them to be pleased, it takes hella paperwork to get hired at that place, but I don't expect them to be surprised, when you're in the business of interrupting people at dinner and shaking them down for cash you kinda have to anticipate turnover. I sort of wish I hadn't gone uptown ten times on seperate occasions for a job I shouldn't have taken on principal and now can't keep in practice. But as ass a time as it would have been, a couple of weeks' pay would have been nice. And by "nice" I mean "a thin rope keeping me dangling above abject poverty rather than wallowing in it."

'Cause right now I'm wallowing.

There's one way to look at it, which is the Hemingway-in-Paris Lost Generation way, the romantic bohemian ideal of getting by on the skin of your teeth. Hemingway is quoted as saying hunger found its way into his work, he would find his characters digging into thick steaks.

I don't write a whole lot of fiction these days, but a lot of my protagonists' dialogue would be about how they just want to be able to buy a slice of pizza when the dining hall's closed.

So yea, the bohemian way is bullshit.

Then there's the hip-hop way of looking at it, where you do what you have to do to get the paper. This is more where I'm at. Thoughts of mine that don't concern sex or comedy or how cold it is are brimming over with money and how to get it. Nas' suggested solution is slinging rock, or starting a multi-million dollar rap career. Mine is getting another job, and fast. My thoughts have always had a shit time of translating into action, but we're working on it.

My bank balance also happens to be my lucky number (27.) So as Atticus would say, it ain't time to be worried yet.

Broke college student. I know, real unique and valid complaint. But I suck at being poor, and this is what I'm thinking about.

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