December 03, 2003

In case anybody asks, there's ice on the ground in New York City.

Of all the ridiculous substances for water below the freezing point to become, it just HAD to be ice.

And earlier today, it snowed. Went into Classic Drama, debated the tragic heroicism of Troy Maxson in August Wilson's Fences, ate carrot cake and watched the conclusion of the Dustin Hoffman Death Of A Salesman movie, got our final paper cancelled, came outside, and it had done gone and snowed. Not a lot, mind you. Light dustings on rich people's cars. Salt on the sidewalk. Freezing wind whipping down Broadway. Enough to justify the scarf I was wearing. Today was the historic First Day I Ever Wore A Scarf, and it turns out that scarves are a barrel of laughs. You can wrap it around your neck and tuck the ends into your ridiculously large down jacket and be just suave as hell, you can hide the bottom half of your face in it, recycle your warm breath while simultaneously pretending to be a ninja. I also imagine if anyone wants to seduce you, it makes it convenient for them to grab and drag you into other, sexier rooms, although I didn't get to experience that particular application. (Winter is long. Winter is long.) So the verdict is: scarves are awesome, though cold weather is preposterous.

This isn't leading up to some humorous retelling of a humiliating pratfall on an icy stoop, although as noted, it's a long, cold season, and I'm a clumsy, clumsy douche. I just got to be on very intimate terms with the frozen puddles in Washington Square Park, seeing as how I had to cross it four times tonight going to the library thanks to computer hooliganism too horned-rimmed-glassish to recount here. All that matters is that the (fucking ass balls) essay is done and here we are.


Now if you'll permit me, it's Strained Metaphor Time. This one goes back a while.

At the one-year-eight-month mark, when hope had ceased to be a word in his vocabulary, the rains came. The farmer rejoiced. Then watched TV. Then went and had dinner.


The fat asian kid sitting next to me in the study lounge just ripped a tremendous fart. That's not a metaphor, that's an allegory. The Asian kid represents society. The fart represents innocence. The lesson being taught?

Life is fucking hilarious.

Posted by DC at December 3, 2003 02:22 AM
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