August 12, 2003

Life is tension. Pushing and pulling. That's how your muscles hold things up, how your car goes, why you stick to the earth. Tensing and releasing. That's all it is.

The tension on this blog is the desire to be achingly personal versus the dire to be commercial. In a way it's the story of my life. Should I be funny or should I be honest? I think comedy is truth and honesty is funny, but sometimes what I really want to say gets lost.

I had a very interesting IM conversation with Mina last night, about self-perception and all that good stuff. I told her humor is my currency, and it's the truth. People I think are funny are automically on a higher plane than everyone else, in my estimation. If we think the same things are hilarious, that means we view the universe in the same way and our relationship has somewhere to go. Humor is my coping mechanism, my way of ingratiating myself with girls, the skill I would bring to a crime-fighting team, should I ever find myself on one.

I have a pathological need to get people to laugh. Call me fat or ugly or stupid, fine, just don't call me not funny. Because stupidity, ugliness, morbid obesity, these things can be played for laughs. But not funny is just plain not funny (my entry in the Self-Evident Statement scholarship competition.)

And so I worry, am I being too self-serious on this thing? Do my problems amount to that proverbial hill of beans? If I make you laugh, will you stick around?

The last one isn't just the main question of my blog, it's the main question of my life.

Aww crap. Now every time I make a joke on this thing everyone's going to see it as some sick plea for approval. Which is only half-right. It's a sick plea for approval, not in the form of laughter, but in the form of nakedness.

The greatest approval of all.

Posted by DC at August 12, 2003 04:39 AM
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