July 29, 2003

Dear Seabiscuit,

I don't usually write letters to horses that have been dead for decades. But the success of the recent book based on your exploits, and the movie based on that book, have forced me to break with that tradition.

To be honest, I haven't read your book or seen your movie. But I have been bathed in the heartwarming glow of your promotional materials enough to know the story: A pint-size horse and a too-big jockey and Jeff Bridges prove everyone in Depression-era America wrong by winning something horse-related. From what I'm told, the story is true. You did it, you beat the odds. You and Tobey Macguire pulled one over on genetics and destiny and people's expectations, good for you. But here's what I want to know, Seabiscuit:

What about all the horses that were too small to win, and just never won? The weak-kneed last place steeds that stayed that way? What sort of bar is your story setting for these horses?

Imagine it, if you will, Seabiscuit, though you are rotting in the ground and horses probably don't have the most vivid imaginations to begin with: So the Depression has knocked everybody around, people are starving, the bottom has dropped out of their lives. But your victory brings hope to millions, they think, perhaps if four-legged underdogs can make it happen, maybe two-legged underdogs can do the same. Among these millions is a small boy, we'll call him Edgar, because why not, whose family is let's say a month away from being evicted from their farm. Maybe it's the Dust Bowl, I don't know, maybe his dad is just a shitty farmer and would be getting kicked off his acreage Great Depression or no, but it's going to happen. One of the only things they have left is this old horse, who looks a lot like the rest of them: Waifish, sickly, in need of a good meal. Nobody sees much in this old horse except Edgar, who, thanks to your exploits, has become convinced that any no-account mule can be a champion.

He doesn't eat the lunch his mother sends him to school with, usually, on particularly hungry days he eats maybe half. He brings it home tied in a napkin and on his way up to the house Edgar sits on the fencepost where the old horse is tied up, and unfurls the remainders of lunch in front of him. He says, "Come on, eat up, Papa's Newest Hat" (horses have weird names, you should know that from experience.) He is determined by skimping on lunch he's going to turn this horse into a big strong blue-ribbon stallion. Maybe, he thinks, Papa's Newest Hat will get in some races, maybe he'll place higher than we expect. Maybe he'll win. Maybe he'll win the Kentucky Derby, maybe the Belmont Stakes. Maybe his hard-luck grit and determination and the way I nursed him back to health and spurred him on to victory will inspire an author, let's call her Lauren Hillenbrand, to write a book about us. Maybe they'll make one of them motion pictures based on that book, maybe they'll cast an squeaky-voiced alcoholic who also played a comic book superhero as me.. But it won't happen. Papa's Newest Hat is just a crappy horse who's getting an extra meal that will slightly prolong his crappy-horse life.

You cannot feed a child on hopes and dreams, Seabiscuit, especially not hopes and dreams related to the topsy-turvy world of high-stakes horseracing. Any graduate of Gambler's Anonymous with alimony to pay will tell you that. Some horses are just shit, SB, and by attempting to acheive beyond your means you've now hitched the hopes of thousands of children to said horses. And the metaphor extends far beyond the equine: Teachers will invest hours of after-class time attempting to get Quincy P. Illiterate to sound out the first ten syllables of "Dick and Jane" when we all know it's not happening, the teacher's time would be better spent writing his terrible never-finished novel and Quincy's time would be better spent shoplifting and smoking. Women will stay in abusive relationships hoping their bum husbands, although they are definitely not horses, racing or otherwise, will somehow win the Triple Crown. And it will all be thanks to you and your supposedly heartwarming story of so-called hope.

If you make people think they can beat the odds, SB, they will soon be reminded why the odds usually win.

I would express disbelief at your ability to sleep at night, if I wasn't almost completely certain you were stone-cold dead.

Sincerely, DC Pierson who has never ever given false hope to anyone, starving or not

Posted by DC at July 29, 2003 02:40 AM
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