July 01, 2003
When the bedroom door opens I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep so you won't know I've been waiting up for you all night. It takes all the skills I gained when I was six, on the floor of the Disneyland Hotel rolled up in a comforter at the foot of the bed, watching TV with one eye open, anticipation killing every chance for vacation sleep.
When you think my mind is occupied with dreams of other women and more exotic locales, it's really only wondering if you'll kiss me awake. When I roll over, it's not because something particularly distressing happened in dreamland, it's because I'm trying to smell your hair on the pillow without making it obvious.
Sometimes something really funny would happen on the TV, and I'd laugh, but it would come out as a snort as I tried to catch it. My parents either caught on or thought I was getting black lung from the California air.
You shouldn't know I can't sleep without you because that makes me seem desperate. And if there's one thing I'm not, it's desperate.
Not now that you're home, anyway.
Posted by DC at July 1, 2003 03:45 AM
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