April 22, 2003

I invented rock and roll.

I didn't want to mention it, because once I reveal it, people don't want to talk about anything else.

You really invented rock and roll?

Yea, yea I did. So you were saying about your cousin--

Like, the whole musical genre?

No, not the music. I'm not a musical kind of guy. Not in the bars-and-bass-clefs sense, anyway. There were guitars before I was around. But not the attitude. And it's the attitude that matters, wouldn't you say?

Oh, definitely.

Before me, nobody rocked the leather. People wore it. But nobody rocked it.


Oh, yea, they wore it, like I said. Cowboys are kind of rock and roll. But they had the wrong music. It was all twang twang twang. I took their guitars from them and said shhh...listen... And we sat their in silence for several minutes, their eyes closed, listening to the desert wind whistle through plateaus and mesas.

I see. And that was Rock?

Hell no. I used that time to steal their six shooters and their bags of cowboy loot and be halfway to the Rio Grande by the time they opened their eyes and realized I pulled one over on them.

And that...that was Rock?

No, it was petty theft. When I shot an indian for looking at me shifty-eyed...then...THEN it was Rock.

But it didn't come around until the Fifties, right?

I didn't think America was ready to give it birth. Imagine if the Confederacy had gotten a hold of the two-minute guitar solo and used it at Gettysburg. We might be living under a very different flag.

Wait, how old are you?

Like all people who truly have the Rock inside of them, I'm ageless.

With the possible exception of Kurt Cobain, Joey Ramone, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Joe Strummer, Elvis...

Yea. Except them. Tom Jones is going strong, though.

Like I said, I didn't want to tell anyone. They just ask too many questions, and if you have to explain, it ain't Rock.

Posted by DC at April 22, 2003 12:05 AM

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