April 29, 2003

She said I never could be serious and it took me 'till ten seconds ago to realize that that was bullshit.

I'm sorry, forgive me. It wasn't bullshit. She was half-right. I never can be serious. Correctamundo. She was wrong to make me think that's a bad thing.

I told her I wanted to write a play about infidelity. She thought that was cool because infidelity, that's something people actually do. Fuck around behind each other's backs, that is. It's serious. It's real. It's an issue.

Yea, I said, There's a married couple and the guy gets a kidney transplant from his wife, so whenever she gets sick she has to go to a hotel so he won't catch whatever it is (a girl in my second hour knows a couple like this, I guess it actually happens) and while she's there she gets seduced, by a fellow hotel person, by the Mexican son of the hotel owner, I haven't decided yet... and she said I always needed a gimmick like that. It couldn't just be about cheating. It had to be kidney cheating transplants and cheating.

So I didn't even bother to tell her was that the real reason she did it, the wife that is, is that she was egged on by her one remaining kidney, who, while it would really be representative of her internal desires and frustrations and things, would be played by an actual person on stage. In a kidney costume? I don't know. Hadn't decided yet.

Why couldn't I, she wanted to know, just write a play about cheating?

And at the time I didn't have an answer, but I do now, and that answer is, because anyone can do that. Any two-bit wannabe Mamet can right a play about pretty people screwing each other and wearing sweaters, making pithy pop culture references and before you know it Catherine Keener's in it, and it's just a whole mess. I could do that. But it would have been done to death already and really what's the point.

Why do I have to be funny? Why don't I just play it straight? Because life doesn't play it straight. Life is not deathly serious. Well, it is. But that's partly why it's so wonderfully fucking hilarious. Those theatre masks? Those are comedy and tragedy, and if we're going to accurately imitate life, we're going to have to incorporate both.

I could write a third-rate somebody else play, or a first-rate DC Pierson play. And DC Pierson plays have talking kidneys in them.

So deal with it.

Oh, and the husband's cheating too. Of course. And I can be serious. I just have this way of saving it 'till I need to make a point or need making out with.

Posted by DC at April 29, 2003 12:16 AM
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